Navigating Trauma in Your Manifestation and Spiritual Journey

Trigger Warning: This article discusses topics that may be triggering.

This may resonate with some of you, and for others it may not, but I wanted to share my experience with trauma, how it impacted my manifestation and spiritual journey, and how I navigate it and heal parts of myself to come back to the True Self.

I have not spoken much on the topic of trauma yet, but I do know and understand the impact it can play in our lives. As someone that has suffered through intense childhood and teenage trauma, and subsequently developed PTSD from it, I know that it can be one of the most difficult things to overcome. To be completely honest and vulnerable with you, I don’t know if I would be here if it were not for spirituality and my deep connection to my True Self. I don’t say this to be “negative”, but to express how transformative and absolutely life-changing these teachings have been for me.

It is also to express that suffering and traumatic experiences do not have to be your downfall, and you can certainly lift yourself out of it and come out the other side. I am fully aware that this is easier said than done, and I know that not everything is as “clean cut” as that. Especially with everything happening in our world, and the tremendous suffering that is occurring- I can’t even begin to imagine that level of trauma. I can only speak for myself and my experiences, and the things I have gathered working with hundreds of people over the past 4 years or so.

So, please keep this in mind when reading this article and after you have finished reading it as well.

Survival Mode

The term “survival mode” may be different for each person, but I will explain how I knew I was in survival mode. Some may refer to this as being in fight or flight (or freeze/fawn), and I definitely did experience a lot of that when navigating the peaks of my PTSD. It was so bad that I actually manifested a chronic illness because of it! (Success story on how I manifested healing coming soon). My body was in a state of intense un-safety, and everything felt like a threat to my well-being and livelihood.

You know that feeling of urgency? I felt that 24/7. It always felt like I had to do things to survive because of how unsafe I felt, and this was in every area of life. I was completely unaware that my body was basically trapped in the illusion of time because these different parts of my ego still thought I was a little girl trying to survive the chaos around her when she was younger. I basically could not function and I was always on high alert, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

My self concept was one of feeling small, insecure, not good enough and basically not feeling worthy enough to exist and have a normal life. I actually felt so abnormal that I kept wondering whether there was something wrong with me. I felt broken and like I was unfixable.

So, when I first delved into spirituality, and became aware of Who I Really Am, I was shocked to learn that I am actually a divine being of Love. For some of you that have experienced trauma, you probably know how hard it is to trust yourself and this process. That’s what happened to me at first- I was a bit skeptical, but I also felt like every part of me knew that this was the Truth that everything in my life had been leading me towards.

However, we can intellectually know that this is the truth, but to feel it in our core is another thing. While every part of me did intellectually know that this was the Truth and I accepted it, and I was excited to implement and embody everything I had learned, that did not stop those traumatized parts from trying to intervene and protect me.

As I have written in previous articles, we can also fall into a healing trap, of believing we need to have “perfect healing” in order to manifest our desires. The thing is, there is no such thing as perfect healing. Even the notion of perfection is an illusion and subjective. The healing journey we go through is our own and uniquely ours.

Some people use manifestation and spiritual practices as a way to force something to happen, and try to ensure they are perfect at what they are doing, as if how it works is based upon an external rule book or instruction manual. As if the desire and transformation is something we will into existence. But, God does not need to make sure the tools and healing processes are perfect- God just IS. And whatever you decide to do to help you alongside your journey, it is not to prove yourself to God, your higher self, the universe, your subconscious mind- whatever you choose to call it.

As a matter of fact, for me, when I tackled the journey like this in the beginning, it was definitely stemming from my survival mode, that urgency. The need to make sure I was perfect so that I did not mess up, because God forbid I accepted that I was still lovable and worthy to have a full life with dreams and desires, despite the trauma I had experienced.

The trauma does not make you into a broken person that is difficult to fix, it clouds the truth of I AM until you realize nothing was ever wrong with you in the first place. I had to learn that just because I felt shame, guilt, not good enough etc., it did not mean it was true just because I was feeling it. Feeling something inherently as the truth does not make it true, but making a complete identity of something false will mirror back the illusion of it in different forms all around us.

Especially because the one thing that is true and constant is I AM.

And this is not to punish us, but sometimes it is the only thing that will finally make us realize what we are holding onto. As we know now, it is to bring us closer to the truth of who we are. Suffering is not a requirement, and many people do stray away from acknowledging these different parts of themselves because they are afraid that they need to suffer through the same pain that got them here, or they believe in the false story that they need to perfectly heal themselves in order to experience the life they desire.

I can tell you, that, that is false. You are good enough now, and somewhere along the journey of your life experience so far, you falsely accepted that you were not enough. So, of course, if you accept this, you might immediately jump to the conclusion that acknowledging these different parts of yourself means more suffering, needing to be perfect and only then will you be worthy of what you want.

However, this is not your fault, but it is now our responsibility to look within.

Now, how we acknowledge that we are good enough, how we face these different parts, is solely up to what resonates with us. There is no linearity and there is no one correct, universal way. For me, I had to first accept that there was nothing inherently wrong with me and while I did feel it, that did not make it true- I get to decide what is true for me or not in this human experience. Because ultimately what is true is Love, is I AM, unconditioned I AM. This was the beginning of breaking away from that false identity.

Secondly, I AM is the truth of who I Am, but if I couldn’t accept that “quickly”, that was okay too. You have to be patient with yourself. Being patient does not equal a long, tedious, drawn out process. In fact, I am a strong believer in working through these parts alongside experiencing our desires. For example, with relationships, there is a huge misconception that we need to “perfectly” believe in it happening for us, feel good enough about it etc., and only then will we manifest it.

However, it has never been about achieving this ultimate “God state”, and I do believe that a lot of people that hold on to this notion is still coming from some part of them that does not feel worthy and good enough now, still holding onto the false identities. God is not a far away unachievable state. God is here now, right now in this moment as you are reading this article, and in every single moment.

We don’t have to prove to God that we are worthy and deserving finally, we have to accept that we always were, and if we don’t feel that, it is not because there is something wrong with us. It is because we unconsciously accepted this and kept doing so over and over again. And when you berate and judge yourself for every little mistake or hiccup or off moment, are you really accepting that you are good enough now? That your desire is already done and exists for you now?

The trauma itself is not the issue, because what truly matters is the process of how we navigate it. And this is definitely not to minimize your trauma and very real feelings. They are valid and it is okay to hold space for that and allow yourself to even feel angry and upset about it. However, what do we do next after that?

Again, I want to make a strong disclaimer that I am very much aware that this is not as clean cut. It can be very messy, and for me it was. It was very intense at times, dealing with the effects of PTSD and childhood trauma, emotional flashbacks etc. So, I know that it won’t always be a smooth sail. And that is what I want to remind you of, that you might have very off days and moments, but you are still deserving and loved. You are still good enough and are worthy, not because of what you do, but because of who you already are.

Survival mode can show up in a myriad of ways. One way it showed up for me was waiting for the other shoe to drop, feeling afraid to get out of my comfort zone and live in the end of having my desires- because deep down I knew that if I truly lived in the end, then things would change drastically. And that part of me was terrified of being unsafe and was always planning for the next emergency. There were a lot of “what ifs”. I had to realize that even if something unlovely did happen, I could change it and shift it. That in actuality, it was an opportunity from I AM to further deepen my trust in my human self and my true self- to realize that imagination is the one and only reality.

If I was terrified of being judged or rejected, I had to accept that even if that did happen, it was an illusion and not an opportunity to further accept that narrative, but to step away from it. God is everything, everywhere, because God is consciousness, imagination, and all things stem from this Source. So, if this is true, as my lovely client said to me once- “God cannot be against itself”.

I went into survival mode for many other different reasons, but I can discuss that at another time.

Trusting Yourself

This can be one of the most difficult things to do on the journey at first, especially if you have dealt with a considerable amount of trauma. When you have been conditioned to have such a low image of yourself, and the inner critic bombards you with harsh comments every day, it can feel tough to trust that you are exactly where you need to be, let alone a powerful, spiritual being- God. If you did not grow up with stability, it might feel difficult to maintain the stability of your desires. Of course, it does not have to be this way and recognizing it is the first step.

I found that the more I went within, in meditation, and carried the awareness of I AM throughout my every day life, whatever I needed to recognize came up on its own. Other times, I felt lead to either journaling to gain clarity, or my favorite- directly communicating with that higher part of myself.

This is probably the most powerful way to trust yourself and your imagination, at least for me it is. When we experience a lot of trauma, we may dissociate from our bodies, our emotions and our authentic selves. Therefore, trusting ourselves becomes difficult simply because we have not connected to ourselves. A lot of the times it is because we accepted the bullying and criticizing from others in our past, especially childhood. It takes a lot of courage to go within, and I would not recommend to force yourself to do this all at once because that is counterproductive.

Remember, your desires exist for you now. If you can even contemplate it, or the very fact that you have the desire, it means it is already done. So, you are allowed to take this one day at a time. I am not perfect at this or “healed perfectly” and I have been able to manifest an amazing relationship where I feel safe enough to express moments where I feel very off, have some very icky days, and still know that I am loved by my boyfriend. I actually believe that it can bring a couple closer together, and not further away, if we know how to manage the trauma when it comes up and we are able to come back to I AM. Every day might not always be like that, and that’s okay. Eventually, the trauma will no longer control your life and you will remember that you are in complete control of what you accept for yourself.

As some say, we go from surviving to thriving.

I teach some of my clients how to connect to their I AM and how to speak to this Self and receive answers, so they can trust their inner voice and their power more. It has helped them to trust their authentic voice, or I AM, over the voice of fear and to believe in their imagination more. It has to be something you genuinely want to do, and dedicate time to practice each day. This, along with no longer accepting the false narratives, can not be simply just a habit you build, or a side hobby you sometimes think about and then return back to “reality”.

This is not something we are trying out as a tool to see if we receive our desires- it is our life. And if you go back to treating this as a side hobby, and are hot and cold, how will you be able to feel the full depth of your creative and transformative power?

The more you remember that this is your life, your commitment to yourself, the more you will build that self trust. Commitment does not count the time, or how long it has been, or look for the next thing to fix themselves, or even victimize themselves constantly. They go within, to I AM, to the truth. If you feel disconnected from yourself, it might be a good idea to reflect upon why. I know it can feel very scary at times to do so and it is a very vulnerable process.

Something simple you can practice to begin connecting to your I AM, that I do, is to first close your eyes and relax your body. Take a few deep breaths and bring your attention into your body. Start off by asking within, “I AM, is there any clarity or guidance I need to know right now?”.

Be patient, wait for the answer, and don’t think about what the answer could be or try to bring logic into this. Be present, in the stillness. If resistance or any discomfort comes up, that is more than okay. Take your time and be patient with yourself, don’t fight it or try to do this correctly. There is no correct way. If nothing comes up at first, that is more than okay, continue to practice each day. Your True Self is always there.

This article is already getting very long, but I will make further articles on this topic. For now, if any of this resonates, I lovingly urge you to reflect upon where you can add any of my suggestions into your practices. And remember, do the best you can each day, because you are good enough right now, not in some distant future.